A lesson in love poetry:
Let me show you what it is that
I want you to do to me.
Let my hands & mouth be the
road map to your desire -
the answer to your longing.
Allow yourself to divest your
passion & soul into my heart.
My body will answer all of your
questions & queries.
Place your hands onto my body
as if I were an open chalice -
ready to deliver pure passion
straight to your lips.
Let me show you how to find the
lover you were meant to be with me.
Indulge in my poetry as if you participated
directly in my passions -
Free yourself to imagine what your poem might
sound like as though it were written for you.
I will allow my eyes & heart to indulge in your
body & mind as if they were made for me.
Become a student of erotic pleasure -
a taste of the forbidden,
a touch of the forgotten,
& I promise you, dear reader,
that you will become a master
in the art of love & me.
Monday, December 20, 2010
I'm really not that into you, Christmas.
Hello Love Junkies,
With the countdown to Christmas officially speeding toward the merry day, I suppose I should get my ass off the crazy-train and get into the Spirit. It's been a long year and I usually enjoy the fervour of the season.
My fake pre-lit tree is up, but without one decoration it looks pretty but bland. No cookies are baked. The turkey is frozen in the freezer. The boxes of decorations are stacked on top of each other behind the couch. The cat occasionally strolls by the boxes and tugs at decorations; grazing on the fake tree garland before puking it back up on the kitchen tiles. Thanks. I have not bought any gifts either. Not. One. Single. Gift. Thanks to my crazy relatives, there are piles of gifts for the small people in the house. The cat might even have one under there. I guess it may be true:
This year I'm really not that into you, Christmas.
This week is my office Christmas pot-luck lunch. Like an idiot, in retrospect, I was the jolly idea-giver to have the potluck rather than a luncheon out at somewhere where you can never make everyone happy. It was a tradition we used to do at my old office and you can usually make most people happy with it as they show off their spouses-hard-earned cooking skills. Of course, I am now wondering how I am going to tote a crock-pot of cocktail meatballs first on a packed train and then on a packed bus in the morning rush en route to dropping the kidlet at daycare. Hmmm.
I am feeling a bit 1) guilty about not getting any gifts (yet...I'm assured there's still time) and 2) liberated from the gluttony of the season. I watch with amusement the crazy-eyed shoppers paying top dollar for "this year's toy" or a sweater for granny. I'm sure she'll love it.
So I've come up with a 5-day Christmas Plan:
1) Monday - buy the stuff for your meatballs and lettuce canoes tonight, dummy. Stock up the house with Bailey's & wine.
2) Tuesday - assemble the meatballs & canoes. Tote EMPTY crock-pot on mass-transit. I think that by toting an empty crock I will avoid what could be a guaranteed disaster.
3) Wednesday - Bring the meatballs & canoes in ziplock containers. Heat at work and enjoy the day. Could be a good night to slip out to get a couple of gifts. Wrestle crock-pot back on mass-transit. Buy more wine.
4) Thursday - More shopping, if needed. Thaw the bird. Get Christmas dinner groceries.
5) Friday - Wrap. Buy more wine. Office closes early, so there will be more time for wine! Bake the Santa cookies. Eat them immediately after Kidlet-bedtime.
So my plan seems like more of a call-to-duty than genuine Spirit, but I'm ok with that. I'm assured that "faking it" once and awhile is normal. As long as I don't fuck-up taking the bird out of the freezer, I'm pretty sure everything else will work out. I've requested books for Christmas. The Kidlet is getting Lego. There's lots of wine on the list to get me through. Hmmm...now that I read it back I think I'm actually pretty normal!
I'm not sure what it is about this time of year that makes everyone crazy. Especially people that I am related to. I received a bizarre message from my father last week. I suppose it's fairly safe to say that I won't be calling him back anytime soon. Every time I let this person into my life just a little bit, he just shows up with disappointment in hand. Enough. No more. I'm not going to pretend that I want a relationship with this person. I just don't. Period. Same goes with my brother. He's more fucked-up than anyone else I know and I can see quite clearly where he gets it from. Both alike they are. More on this twitchy topic later.
Enjoy your day my little Elves.
-Lola
With the countdown to Christmas officially speeding toward the merry day, I suppose I should get my ass off the crazy-train and get into the Spirit. It's been a long year and I usually enjoy the fervour of the season.
My fake pre-lit tree is up, but without one decoration it looks pretty but bland. No cookies are baked. The turkey is frozen in the freezer. The boxes of decorations are stacked on top of each other behind the couch. The cat occasionally strolls by the boxes and tugs at decorations; grazing on the fake tree garland before puking it back up on the kitchen tiles. Thanks. I have not bought any gifts either. Not. One. Single. Gift. Thanks to my crazy relatives, there are piles of gifts for the small people in the house. The cat might even have one under there. I guess it may be true:
This year I'm really not that into you, Christmas.
This week is my office Christmas pot-luck lunch. Like an idiot, in retrospect, I was the jolly idea-giver to have the potluck rather than a luncheon out at somewhere where you can never make everyone happy. It was a tradition we used to do at my old office and you can usually make most people happy with it as they show off their spouses-hard-earned cooking skills. Of course, I am now wondering how I am going to tote a crock-pot of cocktail meatballs first on a packed train and then on a packed bus in the morning rush en route to dropping the kidlet at daycare. Hmmm.
I am feeling a bit 1) guilty about not getting any gifts (yet...I'm assured there's still time) and 2) liberated from the gluttony of the season. I watch with amusement the crazy-eyed shoppers paying top dollar for "this year's toy" or a sweater for granny. I'm sure she'll love it.
So I've come up with a 5-day Christmas Plan:
1) Monday - buy the stuff for your meatballs and lettuce canoes tonight, dummy. Stock up the house with Bailey's & wine.
2) Tuesday - assemble the meatballs & canoes. Tote EMPTY crock-pot on mass-transit. I think that by toting an empty crock I will avoid what could be a guaranteed disaster.
3) Wednesday - Bring the meatballs & canoes in ziplock containers. Heat at work and enjoy the day. Could be a good night to slip out to get a couple of gifts. Wrestle crock-pot back on mass-transit. Buy more wine.
4) Thursday - More shopping, if needed. Thaw the bird. Get Christmas dinner groceries.
5) Friday - Wrap. Buy more wine. Office closes early, so there will be more time for wine! Bake the Santa cookies. Eat them immediately after Kidlet-bedtime.
So my plan seems like more of a call-to-duty than genuine Spirit, but I'm ok with that. I'm assured that "faking it" once and awhile is normal. As long as I don't fuck-up taking the bird out of the freezer, I'm pretty sure everything else will work out. I've requested books for Christmas. The Kidlet is getting Lego. There's lots of wine on the list to get me through. Hmmm...now that I read it back I think I'm actually pretty normal!
I'm not sure what it is about this time of year that makes everyone crazy. Especially people that I am related to. I received a bizarre message from my father last week. I suppose it's fairly safe to say that I won't be calling him back anytime soon. Every time I let this person into my life just a little bit, he just shows up with disappointment in hand. Enough. No more. I'm not going to pretend that I want a relationship with this person. I just don't. Period. Same goes with my brother. He's more fucked-up than anyone else I know and I can see quite clearly where he gets it from. Both alike they are. More on this twitchy topic later.
Enjoy your day my little Elves.
-Lola
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Read Needs
There is something about this time of year that makes me want to just call in sick and curl up with a coffee (if it's morning) or a glass of wine (if it is reasonably close to or after noon) and dig into a good book. I find that when I get into a good book, not much gets between me and The End.
My favourite genre right now is memoir/autobiography. I did the fiction trail for a while but these days I like to read about people having experiences of their own, how they handled them and the lessons they learned. I have also tossed around the idea of writing my own memoirs, but I haven't really drafted an outline or even wrapped my thoughts around what might be so interesting about my life that someone would want to spend their time reading about it. Until then, I'll continue to dabble at poetry, as this comes fairly easily to me right now. I suppose the tough work lies ahead of me when I am ready to take it on.
So while I ponder my own memoir, I've decided to draft a list of books that I want to read. I recently finished "Even Silence Has an End" by Ingrid Batancourt upon the recommendation of a friend. A captivating story of a woman held hostage in the jungles of South America by the Farc for over 6 years. While the story was fascinating, I did find it repetitive as she circled around lost in dampness, loneliness and never ending green year after year. It was good and worth the 2 weeks that I spent reading it. Currently I am reading "The Snowball" by Alice Schroeder. A fascinating read about the man behind Berkshire Hathaway...the company that pretty much owns "everything." (Think Coca-Cola, Geico Insurance, Benjamin Moore Paints, Dairy Queen, The Pampered Chef and Fruit of the Loom...just to name a few). At about 950 pages, it's a meaty read and I admit that when I pick it up, I can't put it down...but when I do a week or more can go by before I pick it up again.
So having committed to reading The Snowball, I have no business eyeing up other books. I find myself in Chapters, thumbing through the new releases. I find myself wanting each new book Oprah announces her new selection. I admit I own books on my crowded bookcases that I haven't read yet. Good thing about books though, is that they are always there waiting for me when I finally reach for them.
The List:
"Committed: A skeptic makes peace with marriage" by Elizabeth Gilbert. Her follow up memoir to "Eat, Pray, Love." It's on one of my crowded bookcases I mentioned. An easy read that I know I will enjoy and read quickly when I get to it.
"Freedom" by Jonathan Franzen. Cited as the "novel of the decade by a great American novelist." I hear it's a page turner.
"My Spiritual Journey" by The Dalai Lama. The memoir of a great living legend.
"Unbearable Lightness: A story of loss and gain" by Portia de Rossi. Not just because I'm a big fan of Ellen Degeneres who has avidly pushed her wife's book, it sounds like a story that any woman who has struggled with self-image should read.
Harry Potter Boxed Set. All 7 novels. I read the very first one years ago and then saw some of the movies thereafter. Since then, I've caught up on the movies and did enjoy them. With the last two movies coming out, I figure it's time to sit down and read the books. They are truly magical.
"The Teachings of the Buddha." A book I've had for years that I reach for when I am seeking balance. This is on my night stand now.
"Vij's at Home: Relax, Honey: The warmth and ease of Indian Cooking" by Meeru Dhalwala & Vij Virkham. Local Vancouver restaurateurs that are fantastic and I need to spend more time learning to cook Indian food.
"The Food of Morocco" by Jane Lawson. To get more of my exotic foodie fix.
"Life" by Keith Richards. As the saying goes, after the nuclear winter two things will survive: cock roaches and Keith Richards. Sounds like an interesting read that has been getting good reviews, probably for the fact that it's amazing he remembers everything...just not in any particular order.
"Say You're One of Them" by Uwem Akpan. Another Oprah recommendation that I'm sure will deliver.
"Happens Every Day: an all-too-true story" by Isabel Gillies. A memoir of heartbreak as a marriage ends. This is on one of my bookcases too.
Well that should do for now. I'm sure I'll add more later.
-L
My favourite genre right now is memoir/autobiography. I did the fiction trail for a while but these days I like to read about people having experiences of their own, how they handled them and the lessons they learned. I have also tossed around the idea of writing my own memoirs, but I haven't really drafted an outline or even wrapped my thoughts around what might be so interesting about my life that someone would want to spend their time reading about it. Until then, I'll continue to dabble at poetry, as this comes fairly easily to me right now. I suppose the tough work lies ahead of me when I am ready to take it on.
So while I ponder my own memoir, I've decided to draft a list of books that I want to read. I recently finished "Even Silence Has an End" by Ingrid Batancourt upon the recommendation of a friend. A captivating story of a woman held hostage in the jungles of South America by the Farc for over 6 years. While the story was fascinating, I did find it repetitive as she circled around lost in dampness, loneliness and never ending green year after year. It was good and worth the 2 weeks that I spent reading it. Currently I am reading "The Snowball" by Alice Schroeder. A fascinating read about the man behind Berkshire Hathaway...the company that pretty much owns "everything." (Think Coca-Cola, Geico Insurance, Benjamin Moore Paints, Dairy Queen, The Pampered Chef and Fruit of the Loom...just to name a few). At about 950 pages, it's a meaty read and I admit that when I pick it up, I can't put it down...but when I do a week or more can go by before I pick it up again.
So having committed to reading The Snowball, I have no business eyeing up other books. I find myself in Chapters, thumbing through the new releases. I find myself wanting each new book Oprah announces her new selection. I admit I own books on my crowded bookcases that I haven't read yet. Good thing about books though, is that they are always there waiting for me when I finally reach for them.
The List:
"Committed: A skeptic makes peace with marriage" by Elizabeth Gilbert. Her follow up memoir to "Eat, Pray, Love." It's on one of my crowded bookcases I mentioned. An easy read that I know I will enjoy and read quickly when I get to it.
"Freedom" by Jonathan Franzen. Cited as the "novel of the decade by a great American novelist." I hear it's a page turner.
"My Spiritual Journey" by The Dalai Lama. The memoir of a great living legend.
"Unbearable Lightness: A story of loss and gain" by Portia de Rossi. Not just because I'm a big fan of Ellen Degeneres who has avidly pushed her wife's book, it sounds like a story that any woman who has struggled with self-image should read.
Harry Potter Boxed Set. All 7 novels. I read the very first one years ago and then saw some of the movies thereafter. Since then, I've caught up on the movies and did enjoy them. With the last two movies coming out, I figure it's time to sit down and read the books. They are truly magical.
"The Teachings of the Buddha." A book I've had for years that I reach for when I am seeking balance. This is on my night stand now.
"Vij's at Home: Relax, Honey: The warmth and ease of Indian Cooking" by Meeru Dhalwala & Vij Virkham. Local Vancouver restaurateurs that are fantastic and I need to spend more time learning to cook Indian food.
"The Food of Morocco" by Jane Lawson. To get more of my exotic foodie fix.
"Life" by Keith Richards. As the saying goes, after the nuclear winter two things will survive: cock roaches and Keith Richards. Sounds like an interesting read that has been getting good reviews, probably for the fact that it's amazing he remembers everything...just not in any particular order.
"Say You're One of Them" by Uwem Akpan. Another Oprah recommendation that I'm sure will deliver.
"Happens Every Day: an all-too-true story" by Isabel Gillies. A memoir of heartbreak as a marriage ends. This is on one of my bookcases too.
Well that should do for now. I'm sure I'll add more later.
-L
Friday, December 10, 2010
Life Happens
Hi Friends,
After 14 months and hours of anxiety later, I am finally into another chapter of this book called Life. A life-changing event happened to me those long 14 months ago...almost as significant as the birth of my son. I was involved in a tragic accident that cost a life, changed lives and has brought me to many hours of trying to come to terms with the whole thing. I struck a pedestrian with my car, and she died.
My friends & family have rallied behind me, comforting me, telling me "shit happens," it was an accident. An accident. The courts have accepted my guilt, fined me $1000 plus a 15% "victims of crime" surcharge and relieved me of my drivers licence for 3 months. I am assured I am not a criminal, just a distracted driver apparently. So I am going to just sit down and write about what happened, in the hopes of allowing me to forgive myself.
October 3, 2009
On this sunny morning, bright & early at 8:00 a.m., I was driving to the hospital for a pre-natal ultrasound. Given that I had developed pre-eclampsia, I was undergoing regular fetal screening and blood pressure tests. The sun had just risen over an apartment building in the foreground and as I entered the right-hand turn lane, an elderly woman entered the crosswalk. I did not see her, blinded by the sun. Even at 20 km/hr, it was enough for her to land on my hood and fall to the asphalt. I will never forget the falling feeling in my heart when I made eye contact with her before she slid off the hood. I will never forget the sound of my own voice that cried out "No!" It sounded like it came from someone else in the car, but it had to be mine, as I was alone. After the ambulances, fire trucks, police and eyewitnesses had all cleared, shaky behind the wheel, I continued on to the hospital. I wasn't even late for my appointment.
Two weeks later I had my son two weeks early. I was artificially-induced due to "pre-eclampsia," a fancy medical term for high blood pressure during pregnancy. The doctors were so concerned with my stress levels and racing blood pressure that I could have had a life-ending seizure. In addition, a portion of the placenta had detached and died and my son had stopped growing in utero. He is now a very happy and healthy pre-toddler, I am happy to report.
In the months following the accident, the nice young constable that attended the scene arrived at my door, paperwork in hand. He wore a long frown and a furrowed brow as he delivered the news to me that Crown had decided to pursue charges. I think he was at that moment more devastated about the charges than I initially was.
Fast forward 10 months. I decided to plead guilty to one charge of "driving with undue care and attention" and accepted ownership of the accident. I will never know if the lady saw me coming or not, however the court reassured His Honour that it didn't matter; I entered the crosswalk when I shouldn't have. Case closed. Of course, the worst part of the hearing, all 10 minutes of it, were the glares I know that were being sent my way from the members of the family that were there. The lady's daughter glared at me like I was the Grim Reaper in the flesh as she frostily told me who she was in the hallway. As if I did any of this on purpose. I watched Oprah the other day (oh, I know, I know), and she had a guest on that was the victim of a horrid crime. She asked him if he would ever forgive the person that changed his life forever. He said: "You can forgive someone for stealing your car. You can forgive someone for slapping your face. You can forgive someone for causing an accident. To forgive pure evil however, is not appropriate." (His wife and 2 daughters were brutally murdered in his home as he was left for dead in the basement.) I secretly hope that the family will one day forgive me for causing the accident. More so however, is that one day I hope to forgive myself.
-Lola
After 14 months and hours of anxiety later, I am finally into another chapter of this book called Life. A life-changing event happened to me those long 14 months ago...almost as significant as the birth of my son. I was involved in a tragic accident that cost a life, changed lives and has brought me to many hours of trying to come to terms with the whole thing. I struck a pedestrian with my car, and she died.
My friends & family have rallied behind me, comforting me, telling me "shit happens," it was an accident. An accident. The courts have accepted my guilt, fined me $1000 plus a 15% "victims of crime" surcharge and relieved me of my drivers licence for 3 months. I am assured I am not a criminal, just a distracted driver apparently. So I am going to just sit down and write about what happened, in the hopes of allowing me to forgive myself.
October 3, 2009
On this sunny morning, bright & early at 8:00 a.m., I was driving to the hospital for a pre-natal ultrasound. Given that I had developed pre-eclampsia, I was undergoing regular fetal screening and blood pressure tests. The sun had just risen over an apartment building in the foreground and as I entered the right-hand turn lane, an elderly woman entered the crosswalk. I did not see her, blinded by the sun. Even at 20 km/hr, it was enough for her to land on my hood and fall to the asphalt. I will never forget the falling feeling in my heart when I made eye contact with her before she slid off the hood. I will never forget the sound of my own voice that cried out "No!" It sounded like it came from someone else in the car, but it had to be mine, as I was alone. After the ambulances, fire trucks, police and eyewitnesses had all cleared, shaky behind the wheel, I continued on to the hospital. I wasn't even late for my appointment.
Two weeks later I had my son two weeks early. I was artificially-induced due to "pre-eclampsia," a fancy medical term for high blood pressure during pregnancy. The doctors were so concerned with my stress levels and racing blood pressure that I could have had a life-ending seizure. In addition, a portion of the placenta had detached and died and my son had stopped growing in utero. He is now a very happy and healthy pre-toddler, I am happy to report.
In the months following the accident, the nice young constable that attended the scene arrived at my door, paperwork in hand. He wore a long frown and a furrowed brow as he delivered the news to me that Crown had decided to pursue charges. I think he was at that moment more devastated about the charges than I initially was.
Fast forward 10 months. I decided to plead guilty to one charge of "driving with undue care and attention" and accepted ownership of the accident. I will never know if the lady saw me coming or not, however the court reassured His Honour that it didn't matter; I entered the crosswalk when I shouldn't have. Case closed. Of course, the worst part of the hearing, all 10 minutes of it, were the glares I know that were being sent my way from the members of the family that were there. The lady's daughter glared at me like I was the Grim Reaper in the flesh as she frostily told me who she was in the hallway. As if I did any of this on purpose. I watched Oprah the other day (oh, I know, I know), and she had a guest on that was the victim of a horrid crime. She asked him if he would ever forgive the person that changed his life forever. He said: "You can forgive someone for stealing your car. You can forgive someone for slapping your face. You can forgive someone for causing an accident. To forgive pure evil however, is not appropriate." (His wife and 2 daughters were brutally murdered in his home as he was left for dead in the basement.) I secretly hope that the family will one day forgive me for causing the accident. More so however, is that one day I hope to forgive myself.
-Lola
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